Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
