I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
there is glitter all over my balls
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