I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
