I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize