perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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