imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
