My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
