If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize