I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
