I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
