So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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