You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
