It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
