Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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