Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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