question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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