We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
