Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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