the day after is always just damage control
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
