just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
