Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
