I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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