Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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