My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
