She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize