I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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