she looked like the before picture.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
