Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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