In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
