On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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