If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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