I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
