we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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