I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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