If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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