I saw his package. It spoke to me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
