Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize