So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
