she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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