i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
