I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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