her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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