I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
