He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
