All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
