my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
