You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
