either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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