im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
