A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
