I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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