Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
