things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
