I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
