I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
