Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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