I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
