Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This is the high leading the old right now
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
