Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
