Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
