do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
