what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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