My nipple is on Facebook.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
