It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
