Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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