you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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