he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
