I wish I could punch you in the face.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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