it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
